Tell her she can't have a vagina
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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