Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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