i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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