I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
