Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
