I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You are the jesus of drinking
Drake has all the answers
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
