I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
