dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
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