you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Are my feet made of real feet?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
