Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
