I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
