Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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