Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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