You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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