Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
