i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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