My first STD was from a foam party
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
