uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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