i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
