If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
