Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
