you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
