So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
We need to get me chipped asap
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
