i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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