Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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