My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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