What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
