even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
