my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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