I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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