I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
