I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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