The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
