You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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