Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
people are starting to question the shark bite story
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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