we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
