I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
