You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
