I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
