Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
