watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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