My liver just broke up with me...
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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