You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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