It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
