Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
