we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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