so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
