I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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