If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
