he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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